Introduction -- pt. 1. The yearning to be understood -- 1. "Did you hear what I said?": why listening is so important -- 2. "Thanks for listening" : how listening shapes us and connects us to each other -- 3. "Why don't people listen?" : how communication breaks down -- pt. 2. The real reasons people don't listen -- 4. "When is it my turn?"--the heart of listening : the struggle to suspend our own needs -- 5. "You hear only what you want to hear" : how hidden assumptions prejudice listening -- 6. "Why do you always overreact?!" : how emotionality makes us defensive -- pt. 3. Getting through to each other -- 7. "Take your time--I'm listening" : how to let go of your own needs and listen -- 8. "I never knew you felt that way" : empathy begins with openness -- 9. "I can see this is really upsetting you" : how to defuse emotional reactivity -- pt. 4. Listening in context -- 10. "We never talk anymore" : listening between intimate partners -- 11. "Nobody around here ever listens to me!" : how to listen and be heard within the family -- 12. From "Do I have to?" to "that's not fair!" : listening to children and teenagers -- 13. "I knew you'd understand" : being able to hear friends and colleagues -- Epilogue -- Index -- About the author.