1. Introduction (Notes and further reading) -- 2: The Sun and its solar system: a Sexy musical pool game? (Tycho Brahe: the demon with a metal nose ; Kepler's "Harmony of the spheres"; Kepler's cannonball math problem ; Dr. William Whiston's "cometary catastrophism" ; Charles Fourier's interplanetary sex games ; Immanuel Velikovsky's interplanetary pool game ; Nibiru: a modern solar system cataclysm theory ; Two more false planets ; A modern scientific theory of the interplanetary pool game ; Our hollow, cold and inhabited Sun ; The Rev. Philip Francis and "the temperate Sun" ; Creatures living on the Sun's surface ; The miniature Sun ; The real Sun ; Planetary hide and seek) -- 3. Our three wacky inner planets: imaginary, delusionary and inhabited (Newton's theory of universal gravitation ; The problem of Mercury's orbit around the Sun ; Vulcan is born ; Edmond Modeste Lescarbault sees Vulcan? ; Observations of nonexistent surface markings on planet Mercury ; Pathological science ; A moon for Mercury? ; Venus: the queen of the planets ; The ashen light ; The clouds of Venus ; The "canals" of Venus ; Speculation about the surface of Venus ; Aliens on Venus ; Was Earth invaded by bugs from Venus? ; A lost moon of Venus) -- 4. Earth: flat, hollow or inside out? (Earth is flat? ; Earth is stationary? ; Earth is expanding? ; Earth has a ring? ; Earth was once a six-faced tetrahedron? ; Earth is hollow? ; Earth is inside out? Are there two Earths?) -- 5. Our Moon: inhabited, small and icy (Our unique Moon ; How was the Moon formed? ; The Moon illusion ; What do you see in the Moon? ; What did those monks really see? ; Erupting volcanoes on the Moon ; Are there aliens on the Moon? ; The great Moon hoax of 1835 ; Getting the Moon plastered ; Is the Moon an alien spacecraft? ; An alien-built bridge on the Moon? ; Pathological science strikes again! ; It was the Moon that made me do it!" ; Advertising on the Moon).

6. Mars: inhabited and a threat? (Is there life on Mars? ; Percival Lowell and his Martian civilization ; Leo Brenner: the man who made enemies ; George Ellery Hale and his personal "elf service" ; More Martian mysteries ; Fear and terror: the moons of Mars ; Gulliver's travels and the Martian moons ; Are Phobos and Deimos Martian bases? ; Beware the bees from Mars!) -- 7. Solar system rubble: the home of Princess Moon Owl? (The non-existent planet Phaeton ; Aliens on Ceres? ; Eat my shorts: Bart Simpson is on Ceres! ; Naming the asteroids ; When the solar system's rubble falls to Earth ; The death of the dinosaurs ; The Tunguska explosion ; The mysterious Tunguska cauldrons ; Dodging meteorites ; Bugs from outer space? ; Comets as portents of doom ; Heaven's Gate UFO cult ; Is Comet 67P / Churyumov-Gerasimenko an alien base? ; Fake and fraudulent comets) -- 8. The outer planets: forests of hemp, armadas of seamen and the holy foreskin of Jesus (Earth's guardian: Jupiter ; Seamen and hemp in vast quantities on Jupiter ; Jupiter becomes a star ; Pornography sent to Jupiter? ; Jupiter's wacky moons ; Holy foreskin! ; The solar system's emperor ; Titan: a world of mountains, oceans, rivers and lakes ; Iapetus: the yin and yang walnut moon ; The "death star" moon ; The ravioli / UFO moon ; The discovery of Uranus ; Uranus's wackiness ; The rings of Uranus ; A smashed up moon? ; UFO headquarters? ; Chasing planet eight ; Neptune discovered ; How sex defeated a British discovery of Neptune ; The rings of Neptune ; Methane geysers on Triton) -- 9. Wackiness beyond the solar system (Put that cigar out! ; Mysterious Sirius ; Was Sirius ever red? ; Exoplanets and Tabby's star ; Rotating galaxies ; Halton "Chip" Arp, a maverick cosmologist? ; Are quasars interstellar spacecraft? ; It's turtles all the way down! ; Wacky creation myths ; The Bradbury universe ; Samuel Shenton's universe ; Is the universe a simulation? ; An infinity of infinite universes?) -- 10. Is it wacky to believe in astrology and UFOs? (Astrology's origins ; Is astrology a science? ; Michel Conquelin's "Mars effect" study ; The universal horoscope ; Lost star constellations ; Unidentified flying objects ; Aliens among us? ; Do we have any solid evidence? ; Concluding comments).