Do show love and respect for your spouse -- Don't use chores as punishment -- Don't yell -- Do choose activities that bond you as a family -- Don't hide every parental disagreement -- Don't buy love -- Do give time -- Don't point out your own attributes -- Don't try to be the cool parent -- Do be fair and consistent in discipline -- Don't spank -- Don't wait until marriage to start taking on a role -- Do go slow -- Do let your spouse and his or her child have their own private time -- Do create new family activities and traditions -- Do get ready for "you are not my dad/mom" -- Don't expect an immediate blended family -- Don't be jealous when the child talks about the out-of-house parent -- Don't let your stepchild's rudeness go unnoticed -- Do find time to focus on your spouse -- Do accept your stepchild for who they are -- Do take care of yourself -- Do find "little" activities to do together -- Do build a family website or Facebook page -- Don't get sucked into taking sides between children -- Do consider stepparent adoption -- Do give easy opportunities to talk -- Do be flexible in what your stepchild calls you -- Do recognize adult stepchildren have emotions too -- Do consider attending worship together -- Don't get upset on mother's/father's day -- Don't push gender-specific roles on your spouse -- Do be prepared to pay for the failures of the out-of-house parent -- Do help your stepchild feel good about himself/herself -- Don't feel you need to solve every problem -- Don't be afraid to refer to your stepchild as "my son" or "my daughter" -- Do be prepared for the sex with your spouse to change -- Don't brush aside your child's grief -- Do be prepared for a child's rejection -- Do be prepared for your stepchild to badmouth you to the out-of-house parent -- Don't defend yourself against every negative comment from the out-of-house parent -- Do help your stepchild buy gifts for the out-of-house parent -- Do understand the reason for a child's anger and rudeness -- Don't "pass the buck" to the stepparent -- Don't let your guilt over a failed marriage make you spoil your child -- Don't control your kids. Guide them -- Do recognize your stepchild may show love in different ways -- Do use the fewest words possible -- Don't criticize a child for bad behavior, criticize the behavior itself -- Do respect a stepchild's need for privacy and decorum -- Don't feel every holiday must be spent together -- From the author.