Writing is hard : a preface ; Instructions for how to use this book -- Part one. Say : whatever you want. How I fell in love with improv : Boston ; Plain girl vs. the demon ; Laughing to crying to laughing ; The day I was born ; Sorry, sorry, sorry ; My books on divorce ; Talk to yourself like you're ninety -- Part two. Do : whatever you like. How I fell in love with improv: Chicago ; The Russians are coming ; Humping Justin Timberlake ; Every mother needs a wife ; My world-famous sex advice ; Gimme that pudding ; Bad sleeper -- Part three. Be : whoever you are. How I fell in love with improv : New York ; Parents just do understand ; Don't forget to tip your waitresses ; Treat your career like a bad boyfriend ; Partner in crime ; I'm so proud of you ; Let's build a park ; Things they don't tell you about the biz ; Time travel ; Obligatory drug stories, or, Lessons I learned on mushrooms ; My boys -- The robots will kill us all : a conclusion.